Dead or Meditating?

Namaste! How's it going, eh? Glad you could slide down out of cyberspace for a few moments today. Help yourself to a mug of coffee and a virtual treat. A question for you today...Do you meditate? If so, you could go into a prolonged meditational state where the world around you is completely shut out. Consider this case...

A court has been called to rule on whether a wealthy guru is dead or in a transcendental meditative state.

One of the wealthiest spiritual leaders in India has either been dead or in a transcendental meditative state since January. The Telegraph's Dean Nelson reports from New Delhi that a court has now been asked to settle the matter.

Ashutosh Maharaj is presently in a commercial freezer in his ashram, guarded by elders within the multinational sect (or, self-described "socio-spiritual-cultural, not-for profit organization") that he created. His followers insist that Maharaj is in a state of transcendent bliss called samadhi, a central tenet of traditional yoga in which a yogi becomes one with the universe. Upon moving all of your prana (currents of energy) up your spine and into your head, according to the seminal yoga manual Hatha Yoga Pradipika, a yogi can become "as if dead."

This would seem to be at odds with the assessment of a team of local physicians who examined Maharaj in February. After performing an ECG that showed no heartbeats, noting that he had no respiratory movements, and seeing that his pupils were fixed and dilated, the physicians declared him "clinically dead."

The sect's website states, "His Holiness Shri Ashutosh Maharaj Ji has been in a deep meditative state (samadhi) since January 29, 2014." Though, a representative from the sect did say on February 3, "About 4:00 PM yesterday, some changes were noticed in his skin (it became greenish). The body was then shifted to a freezer," which may or may not be part of the traditional protocol for transcendent bliss.

The guru's son and wife corroborate that he died of a heart attack in January, and that his followers are keeping his body in order to retain control of his financial empire, including the ten billion rupee ($170 million) estate where the corpse resides.

Take him out of the freezer for a day or so. They'll soon know if he's dead or not. With all due respect, so will everyone else around...unless, of course, he is truly in transcendental bliss.

See ya, eh.

Bob

Mosaic of Mindfullness

Well there you are. I was beginning to wonder. Just completed the red 'landing zone' circle on the floor near the coffeepot so you can glide down safely from cyberspace for your daily mug of coffee and virtual treat... plus a little conversation. Speaking of 'wonder', take a look at this brand spanking new attraction just completed in the Kingdom of Thailand's Nakorn Ratchasima province.  

The magnificent handcrafted Thep Witayakom Vihara in Nakhon Ratchasima, Thailand celebrates the very core of Buddhism

IT'S TAKEN three years and a virtual army of artists and Buddhist faithful but at last Asia's largest ceramic mosaic shrine is finally complete. Towering over the Nakhon Ratchasima countryside, the 42-metre-high, four-storey Thep Wittayakom Vihara is designed to educate people about Buddhist teachings through the universal language of arts - architecture, paintings, and sculptures.

Initiated by revered monk Phra Thep Wittayakom or Luang Poh Koon Parisutho as he is often called, this extravagant and beautiful shrine was started in 2011 at Wat Baan Rai. a 30-rai dharma park in the province's Dan Khun Tod district.

What makes the mosaic shrine all the more remarkable is that it has been hand-made by more than 200 artists and faithful villagers who carefully and mindfully affixed more than 20 million pieces of ceramic, weighing a total of 180 tons. It was a slow process: One person could attach no more than one-square-metre of ceramic per day.

"The key to this building is the absence of discrimination. We gave everyone the opportunity to help put together the ceramic mosaics. Their collective faith has brought about the completion of this interdisciplinary Buddhist art project in honour of Lord Buddha," says artist Samphan Sararak, who served as the project's designer and architecture consultant.

Surrounded by water, the shrine relates the Tripitaka, Buddhism's sacred texts, in an artistic way that's easy to understand.

"Of course, I had to read the Tripitaka first in order to understand the meaning and to create art pieces that would correctly illustrate those stories. This project was a good opportunity for me to work on the things I like and also to understand the teachings more thoroughly," Samphan adds.

"Ceramic has its own unique charm. The beauty lies in how the small, glossy pieces are laid next to one another in such a way that the resulting sculptures look special and gentle under the sun," says ceramist Thitipong Tubtim, one of the five ceramic supervisors attached to the project.

"What's more, it came out even more beautifully than we expected. This will be a great place for people to learn more about the teaching of Lord Buddha and even if visitors take home no more than one lesson, that will suffice."

The exterior of the Thep Wittayakom shrine starts with the Naga bridge, which serves as the bridge of faith. This is where visitors cross from the human world to the world of dharma.

Two naga sculptures decorated with mosaic form the rails. Each has 19 heads, representing the 38 steps towards enlightened living. The naga coil around the shrine and the tails of both naga meet and coil three times to cover the ever-glowing wishing crystal, which symbolises the "three practices" - sila (virtue), samadhi (concentration) and panya (discernment).

Passing through the wishing crystal, visitors come to the Maha Baramee arch. The four lintels or pillars are dedicated to the keepers of the world. The Indra arch represents the powerful god; the Phra Yom arch is named for the god of justice who decides who one can go to heaven. The Phra Piroon arch honours the god of water, abundance and tranquillity and the Phra Kuvane arch (Tao Vessuwan), represents the god of fortune who protects Buddhism and the earth.

Pillars around the building support the Erawan roof and are each illustrated with one of 523 previous lives of Lord Buddha. The mural on the exterior wall of the building presents 10 Jataka tales and was painted on ceramic before being fired at high temperatures. Samphan, Paramat Luang-On, and Jintana Piemsiri are among the artists behind each of these wonderful pictures.

"Thep Wittayakom Vihara was built without an architectural plan. We only had the structural plans to work with," says structural supervisor Somyos Phaephueng.

"Some sections were moulded at a factory in Bangkok and then adjusted to precise size and design on site. They mostly required a series of adjustments before perfection was achieved. No air conditioning is provided on the first level as the breeze provides the cooling. All that remains to be done is the development of the surrounding elements, which include rest areas and an artist's village."

Stepping into the first floor of shrine, visitors learn about the life of Lord Buddha from his birth to his Parinirvana (death). Six murals have been meticulously painted by six artists, with the lotus symbolising Lord Buddha. In the hall, the Wishing Bodhi tree represents the meaning of Buddha - the enlightened, awakened and brightened one - and people are invited to make a wish.

The second floor presents the Vinaya Pitaka (discipline) and the evolution of Buddhism after the Parinirvana of Lord Buddha and includes the 227 precepts and the history of different sects.

The third floor features Dharma Pitaka where the dharma of Lord Buddha is divided into 84,000 categories based on the listeners' behaviour. The display takes turns exhibiting these categories.

The roof enshrines the seven-metre-tall Buddha image in walking posture and the five-metre tall metal statue of Luang Poh Koon Parisutho, which symbolises the Lord Buddha teaching dharma to the monk so that he can in turn teach Buddhists. The basement is home to the souvenir and amulet zone.

It's not always that a new Wonder of the World is created so if you are in Thailand or have a chance to visit, this is one 'Wonder" you won't want to miss.

See ya, eh!

Bob 

Dr Al on Vegeterrorists

Well hello there! As always, a distinct pleasure to have you drop out of cyberspace and land in my virtual cafe...and right next to the coffeepot, too! I'm thinking of putting a red circle around the safe landing spot so no one knocks over the tray of virtual treats as they spiral in for a landing just as you did right now. Help yourself! Y'know, I'm thinking I should add some meat muffins to the array of treats on display. Listen to Dr Al Sears as he tells us why man (and woman and kids and dogs, et al) cannot live on veggies alone...

Dear Bob,

Have you heard about the new “groundbreaking” report on climate change?

“No one will escape global warming” the United Nations proclaimed.

Many of the articles and reports have a recommendation for “saving the planet”: Stop eating meat and become a vegetarian.

The vegeterrorists are at it again.

I love vegetables. I eat them every day. But the idea that replacing animals with vegetables is eco-friendly and “green” is completely backwards.

First, it’s unnatural for the environment.

If you avoid animals as your source of protein and calories then you become more dependent on annual grasses. These crops like rice, corn and wheat, and soy completely devastate the environment.

When you grow these monocrops you remove the ruminant animals from their native environment. Ecosystems with native ruminant animals like North America have the ruminants take over most of the biological functions of soil. They digest the cellulose and return the nutrients to the soil in the form of excretion.

But without ruminants, the plant matter will pile up. This reduces growth and kills the plants. The bare earth is now exposed to wind, sun, and rain. The minerals leech away. The soil structure is destroyed.

You can artificially reverse this by making nitrogen fertilizer using fossil fuels, but that can’t be sustained. You see, nitrogen is an essential component of amino acids (the building blocks of proteins) and of nucleotides (the building blocks of DNA), and consequently is needed by all living things. Normally, nitrogen is fixed into the soil by the nitrogen cycle. Then:

• Plant and animal wastes decompose, adding nitrogen to the soil.

• Bacteria in the soil convert those forms of nitrogen into forms plants can use.

• Plants use the nitrogen in the soil to grow.

• Animals eat the plants, then return the residue which contains nitrogen to the soil again, completing the cycle.

By removing the animals, the soil has no way to get nitrogen except artificially. Modern farming practices use fertilizer infused with nitrogen – by way of heating it to very high temperatures with fossil fuels – to fix the nitrogen in the soil. But this isn’t natural, and we’re going to run out.

All we’ll have is dead soil that can’t support animals or crops. An attempt to “go green” by replacing animals with single, annual crops, will kill everything. Monocrop farming is a dead end street.

Second, vegetarianism is unhealthy for our bodies.

Your brain can’t live on vegetables alone.

Did you know that our brains are twice the size they should be for a primate our size? Eating meat is what gave us the chance to develop the bigger brain we enjoy today, and become humans.

Eating more nutrient-dense foods like meat and animal fat leaves more energy for other processes to happen.¹ Carnivores can eat less often and will stay well fed for a much longer period of time because of the sheer number of nutrients in the food.

But carnivores’ brains can’t survive on cellulose. DHA is the main constituent of cell membranes in the brain. A deficiency of it can weaken the brain's architecture and leave it vulnerable to disease.

DHA is one of the two main components of omega-3, the fatty acid you can’t make, and can’t live without. Vegetables sources of omega-3s are in the form of alpha linolenic acid (LA) which then has to be converted to DHA in the body.

So our natural source of DHA must have come from someplace else. And it did – animal products. The best sources of DHA are fish, eggs and beef. Grass-fed beef has up to ten times the omega-3s of grain-fed beef.²

So besides devastating the soil, going vegetarian will destroy our brains.

I want to keep my brain for as long as possible.

To Your Good Health,
Al Sears, MD

Let's see now...I think I'll supplement my daily offerings with pork pies, mince muffins and chicken doughnuts. What'd'ya think?

See ya, eh!

Bob

Google is to start building its own self-driving cars

Well, hey there! Thanks for clicking by today! Always a pleasure to see you. Help yourself to a mugful of coffee and a virtual treat. You don't have to Google it...just nudge one onto your plate. Though you may soon be able to Google your car...

Google is to start building its own self-driving cars, rather than modifying vehicles built by other manufacturers.

The car will have a stop-go button but no controls, steering wheel or pedals.

Pictures of the Google vehicle show it looks like a city car with a "friendly" face, designed to make it seem non-threatening and help people accept self-driving technology
.
Co-founder Sergey Brin revealed the plans at a conference in California.

"We're really excited about this vehicle - it's something that will allow us to really push the capabilities of self driving technology, and understand the limitations," said Chris Urmson, director of the company's self-driving project.
He added that the cars had the ability to "improve people's lives by transforming mobility".

But some researchers working in this field are investigating potential downsides to driverless car technology.They believe they could make traffic and urban sprawl worse, as people accept longer commutes as they do not have to drive themselves.


The car looks almost cartoon-like, it has no traditional hood/bonnet at the front, and the wheels are pushed to the corners.

 
Google says it will initially build 100 prototype vehicles.It will seat two people, propulsion will be electric, and at the start it will be limited to 25mph (40km/h) to help ensure safety. 

The most significant thing about the design is that it does not have any controls, apart from a stop/go button. 

For early testing, extra controls will be fitted so one of Google's test drivers can take over if there is a problem. 

The controls will simply plug in, and Mr Urmson believes that over time, as confidence in the technology grows, they will be removed entirely.

The front end of the vehicle is designed to be safer for pedestrians, with a soft foam-like material where a traditional bumper would be, and a more flexible windscreen, which may help reduce injuries.

The vehicle will use a combination of laser and radar sensors along with camera data to drive autonomously. 

It will depend on Google's road maps, built specifically for the program, and tested on the company's current fleet of vehicles.

   Google says it expects its self-drive cars to be on the road 'within a year.

 

Google recently announced that its self driving cars had covered 700,000 miles of public roads in autonomous mode, and that they were now tackling the tricky problem of busy city streets.

The company plans to build a fleet of around 200 of the cars in Detroit, with the hope of using them as an autonomous technology test bed.

"We'll see these vehicles on the road within the year," says Mr Urmson. 

Advocates claim that autonomous cars have the potential to revolutionize transport, by making roads safer, eliminating crashes, and decreasing congestion and pollution. 

The view from Google's self-drive car and its computer during tests

Ron Medford, previously the deputy director of the US National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, and now the safety director for the self-driving car team at Google, believes that number could be drastically reduced by removing the chance of driver error. 

"I think it has the potential to be the most important safety technology that the auto industry has ever seen," he said.

But Sven Beiker, executive director of the Center for Automotive Research at Stanford, cautions that driverless cars may still require human input in extreme circumstances and that people may forget how to operate their vehicles if they do not do it regularly. 

This could be particularly dangerous in an emergency situation where the computer does not know how to react, and asks for input from a human who may not have been paying attention, he warned.

"You will not be able to fiddle around looking for the instruction manual in the glove box that you've never looked at before," he said.

He equates it to people who drive automatics forgetting how to easily drive a car with a manual gearbox.

Nong would like a car where she doesn't have to steer but I think we'll wait till they iron out the bugs.

See ya, eh!

Bob

Monk prays so much his footprints are ingrained in temple floor

Hi ya! Thanks for clicking by today. Hope you are in fine fettle. Pour yourself a mug of Oolong tea and snag a Chinese doughnut, why don't'cha? Speaking of Chinese, never mind leaving a carbon footprint... here's a pair of wooden ones!

HuaChi, a simple monk from China, has achieved something that only few are able to – he has left a mark in this world, quite literally. The pious man has knelt to pray in the exact same spot for nearly 20 years now. He’s performed the ritual so many times that his footprints are deeply ingrained in the wooden floor of his temple, in the monastery town of Tongren, in Qinghai Province.

The highly disciplined monk follows a never-changing routine – he arrives at the temple steps every day before sunrise, places his feet on the footprints and prostrates a few thousand times in prayer. Having done this for two decades, the wood beneath his feet has softened considerably, transforming into perfect footprints that are 1.2 inches deep.

When Hua Chi was younger, he would prostrate 2,000 to 3,000 times a day. “But I have grown older, so in recent years I have only done around 1,000 each day,” he said. Sometimes, during winter he can only manage 500. But even that is seriously impressive; I couldn’t imagine doing a handful of prostrations without exhausting myself. After completing his prayers, he walks around the temple as well.

The only problem I have with the above picture is that if you kneel and prostrate in prayer, your feet would be facing backwards so it would be the top of your feet touching the floor, wouldn't it?

See ya, eh!

Bob

Snake massage anyone?

Mabuhay! Glad you could make it today. How're you doing? Need a massage? Coming right up...but help yourself to a mug of coffee and a virtual treat before you lie down and get prepped for your snaky massage!

A free massage after a day of sightseeing might sound too good to turn down, but what about if it involves some snakes to help you relax?

Tourists to Cebu City Zoo in the Philippines might think twice about the taking the ‘treatment’ when they see exactly what it involves.

Four giant Burmese pythons, weighing a combined 250kg, slither across those brave enough to get comfortable with the snakes on a bamboo bed.

The pythons, named Michelle, Walter, EJ and Daniel, are each fed around 10 chickens before the massage begins to help curb any hunger pains they might have.

Ian Maclean, from Hawaii, who has been massaged twice by the snakes, said: ‘I was briefed on what to do and what not to do during the massage.

‘These instructions are crucial, as you can imagine. They tell you not to blow air on the snake, because this is like being pinched on the bum, apparently.

‘You can’t shout for help as the snake can feel your vibrations and thinks you’re prey or a predator, depending on the environment.’

The slithering motion of the snakes during the 10 to 15 minute sessions is said to be therapeutic and calming.

Zoo manager Giovanni Romarate added: ‘At first, visitors feel fear but most of the guests who try the snake massage say that they like it.’
 
When I first went to Thailand 25 + years ago, guys would walk around all the bars with big snakes and for a small price you could have a python around your neck. I did once. These creatures are unbelievably powerful!

See ya, eh!

Bob

Bend Down To Get Your Money!

'ello! 'ello! How are you then? Frightfully all right, are we? Splendid! Help yourself to a mug of coffee (or Typhoo tea) and a cream scone, why don't'cha?  Say... I'm sure you use ATMs, right? Well, here's one that helps you stay in shape...though that was not it's prime intention...

As of late March, the Sainsbury's supermarket in Basford, England, still had an operational ATM on an outside wall even though its screen and controls were only 15 inches off the ground, forcing customers to bend over or kneel down to get cash.

A Sainsbury's spokesman, shown a photo by a reporter of a user squatting "incredibly uncomfortably," said no one had complained, but that the store would look into moving the machine. 

The only explanation offered for the placement was that the store is located on a hill. [BBC News, 3-25-2014] 

Mind you, that is not the only ATM in the world with such low esteem...

Blimey! I wish Monty Python was still around. They'd have a riot with this, don't'cha think?

See ya, eh!

Bob 

Illness Causes People to Sleep Up to Six Days!

Well, there you are. I was beginning to wonder. Good to see you. Fill your mug with coffee and then fill your other mug with a virtual muffin. You didn't sleep in today, did you? Some folks in Kazakhstan have been sleeping in...for up to six days!

Residents of the almost abandoned Soviet town of Krasnogorsk and the areas around Kalachi village, in Kazakhstan, are prone to a mysterious ‘sleeping beauty’ syndrome. The bizarre condition has people suddenly dozing off for as long as six days at a time. It’s like a bad horror film – the illness has gripped these regions and no one knows the reason behind it. Scientists and experts are truly perplexed by the phenomenon.

The weird sleeping illness isn’t prevalent all the time. Instead, it comes in waves – the first one occurred in March 2013 and the second in May 2013. 

There have been three more since then – around New Year 2014, just after the winter holidays this year, and now again in May. A total of 40 to 60 people have suffered in the scarcely populated region. 

In most of the cases, the sleep is accompanied by temporary memory loss.

See ya, eh! Gotta go have a (short) nap!

Bob on the mend

Nurses at This Chinese Hospital Dress Like Flight Attendants!

Hi there! Great to see you. Glad you could click by today! How's it going anyway? Not ailing, I hope... A good robust mug of java and a virtual muffin will fix you up. Well, here's a hospital in China where they fix you up airine style...

A hospital in eastern China has decided to do away with plain white nurse uniforms. Instead, they have their nurses dressing up like flight attendants. 

The new initiative began earlier this month at the Lianshui Traditional Chinese Medicine hospital in Huai’an city. Their idea is to glamorize the otherwise thankless profession of nursing, and also provide patients with superior customer service.

Bu Haijuan, head of the hospital’s nursing unit, came up with the idea as a way to remind her nurses to improve their bedside manner. “If you think of all the professions of the world, which one comes to mind when you think of good customer service?” she asked. “It’s airline stewardesses, isn’t it? 

Nurses learn all sorts of technical skills at college but customer service can be easily overlooked. But flight attendants are specifically trained to have a good attitude and manners.”

Well how about that! Coffee? Tea? Antibiotic? Enema? Don't suppose they'd bring you another rum and coke though, huh?

See ya, eh!

Bob

Parallel Worlds Exist and Will Soon Be Testable, Expert Says

Hey there! Thanks for dropping out of cyberspace. You just missed the tray of virtual treats by a millimeter but I am sure you planned it that way, eh? Good to see you! Since you're already next to the virtual treats, help yourself. Pour a mug of coffee, too...and one for me if you don't mind. How you're going to carry two mugs of coffee and a plate of VTs, I am not sure - of course...a tray! Speaking of millimeters...

...we are but one of many universes and at least one of these other worlds lies close to ours, maybe only a millimeter away. We can't see this world, because it exists in a type of space different from the four dimensions of our everyday reality.

From Institute for Emerging Ethics & Technologies. By Dick Pelletier.

Is there another you reading this article at this exact moment in a parallel universe? Dr. Brian Greene, author of The Hidden Reality: Parallel Universes and the Deep Laws of the Cosmos, believes that this freakish quirk of nature may exist... 

A growing number of cosmologists agree with Greene that we are but one of many universes and at least one of these other worlds lies close to ours, maybe only a millimeter away. We can't see this world, because it exists in a type of space different from the four dimensions of our everyday reality.

MIT's Max Tegmark believes this multiverse model of 'many universes' is grounded in modern physics and will eventually be testable, predictive and disprovable. "This is not sci-fi," he says, "its real science."

As research at the CERN Large Hadron Collider progresses, scientists are talking increasingly of a "new physics" on the horizon, which promises to help researchers understand more of the unknowns about our universe. This new approach includes developing a better understanding of dark energy, a mystery force that some forward thinkers believe indicates that a 'sister' universe lurks in our neighborhood.

---

Imagine visiting another Earth where an alternate you is living a more rewarding life than yours, and you could trade places if you both agreed....

---

Researchers at the WMAP space telescope recently discovered a force 10,000 times larger than the Milky Way, which they believe offers powerful evidence that a parallel universe may be in the area.

In another attempt to search for parallel worlds, NASA installed the Alpha Magnetic Spectrometer-2 at the ISS to record data that may prove the existence of other universes, some of which might even be made of anti-matter. Unraveling this cosmic mystery has attracted worldwide interest. The project draws support from most EU nations; plus Taiwan, China, Russia, and the U.S.

Another universe may exist close by, but in order for us to observe or communicate with it; we must first understand its different dimensions. We might envision them as "new kinds of sideways."

...Greene adds that some universes may be almost indistinguishable from ours; others may contain variations of all of us, where we exist but with different families, careers, and life stories. In still others, reality may be so radically different from ours as to be unrecognizable.

    Experts predict that as the coming decades unwind, with intelligence advancing exponentially, this 'over-the-top' concept will one day become a proven fact. Imagine visiting another Earth where an alternate you is living a more rewarding life than yours, and you could trade places if you both agreed....

I am halfway through Dr Greene's book. Fascinating! I am also reading 'Parallel Worlds' by Dr. Michio Kaku and that is even more fascinating. Most people have a hard time with the concept of other worlds existing in the same space as the one we know but consider this. 

What is all around us? Radio waves full of conversations, music and much more. TV images ...sports games ...news ...shows ...interviews. Do we see any of this? No. Not unless we turn on the radio or TV, right? Even then, we can only see one station at a time, correct? This is because each one is on a different frequency.

What if our world is on one frequency and there are many others out there existing at the same and in the same space as we are...but on a different frequency? Why not?

Do you know that many First Nations people have believed in parallel worlds for more than a thousand years. I watched a program recently about the Cree people and listened to one individual talk about how he has been to and taken others to a different world through a nearby door/portal.

Wo-o-o-o! This might not make you a believer but perhaps a little more receptive to the concept. What do you think about the possibility of parallel words?

See ya, eh!

Bob

The Pentagon's Anti-Zombie Plan

Yo! How's it going? Glad you could hover by today. You're just in time for a mug of coffee and a virtual muffin. Say...what do you know about zombies...other than the thousands of Return from the Dead flics on TV? Do they exist? Well, believe it or not, the US of A has an Anti-Zombie Plan. Read on...

Citizens of the United States can breathe easy: The Pentagon has a plan in case of a zombie attack.

Don't pack your bug-out bag and put up your zombie defenses, yet, however. CONPLAN 888, first uncovered by Foreign Policy magazine, is not an indication that the Department of Defense has gone off the deep end. The plan, written in 2011, was part of a training exercise.

And a detailed one, at that. The plan summarizes responses to threats ranging from pathogenic zombies (zombies created via infection) to space zombies (what they sound like) to chicken zombies (they really exist!). Here's what you need to know.

1. It's not (exactly) a joke

The U.S. military is not actually expecting the country to be overrun by zombies. But the work and thought that went into making the plan was very real. [Everything You Need to Know About Zombies (Infographic)]

"During the summers of 2009 and 2010, while training augmentees from a local training squadron about the JOPP [Joint Operation Planning Process], members of a USSTRATCOM [U.S. Strategic Command] component found out (by accident) that the hyperbole involved in writing a "zombie survival plan" actually provided a very useful and effective training tool."

Joint operation planning involves organizing between multiple branches of the military. It's a complex task, and training can be fraught. If real countries are detailed in the plan, the public might mistakenly believe the plans are real. Using zombies gets around that problem (for most citizens, at least).

Using zombies was also fun, the report's authors write. By allowing the trainees' imaginations to run wild, the instructors were able to teach them about the basics of writing military plans and orders, they wrote.

"If you suspend reality for a few minutes, this type of training scenario can actually take a very dry, monotonous topic and turn it into something rather enjoyable," they wrote in a disclaimer to the report.

2. There are eight types of zombies

The anti-zombie plan covers eight threats. Pathogenic zombies are created by infectious agents; think "World War Z." Radiation zombies are created by extreme doses of radiation. Evil magic zombies are the result of "occult experimentation." The report notes that military chaplains may be the best defense against these "EMZs," and that atheists may be most vulnerable to attack.

Space zombies come from space or originate from extraterrestrial toxins. The report notes, "Asteroids and nuclear space radiation that can convert people into zombies can affect any landmass or population on Earth." Weaponized zombies are bioengineered by hostile forces. Symbiant-induced zombies are similar to pathogen-induced zombies, but they are created by parasitic life forms and don't kill their host right away. [Mind Control: A Gallery of Zombie Ants]

Vegetarian zombies eat only plant life. They don't threaten humans directly, but they could destroy basic food crops. The report notes that instead of moaning, "braaaaains," vegetarian zombies groan, "graaaains." (And you thought the military didn't have a sense of humor.)

The final threat noted in the report is chicken zombies.

3. Wait, what? Chicken zombies?

Oh yes. Unlike the other seven potential zombie threats, chicken zombies are "the only proven class of zombie that actually exists," the report notes.

Chicken zombies are old egg-laying hens that are no longer profitable for poultry farmers to feed and house. The cheapest way to dispose of these birds is to euthanize them and turn them into compost. Farmers gas birds with carbon monoxide to kill them, but survivors are sometimes seen struggling out of piles of dead chickens. A 2006 Associated Press article described the phenomenon and the response from animal-cruelty organizations.

"CZs are simply terrifying to behold and are likely only to make people become vegetarians to protest animal cruelty," the military report notes. It goes on to add that counter-measures against chicken zombies fall under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Departments of Justice, Homeland Security, Agriculture and the Food and Drug Administration.

4. The legal status of zombies

Chicken or otherwise, zombies qualify as neither human nor animal life, the report notes. Thus, the military is free to counterattack without concern for U.S. and international laws that regulate treatment of opposing forces. Given the dire nature of the threat, the country would likely be under martial law during a zombie attack, the plan goes on to note. Because zombies can't be reasoned with and they don't fear pain or death, riot-control strategies would do no good. Zombies are also unable to swim, the report helpfully notes.

The only way to effectively kill zombies is assumed to be a shot to the head. The only way to dispose of the corpses safely is by burning.

5. Call in the CDC

An effective response to zombie attack will have to involve the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the plan notes. As there is no known zombie medical cure, the CDC is the best source for pushing back against the pandemic. Fortunately, the CDC is one step ahead of the military on this one: In 2011, the agency wrote a blog post on how to prepare for the zombie apocalypse. The plan was to promote real disaster preparedness, but the post went viral.

Humans infected by the zombie plague may overrun hospitals, the military report notes. Other stalwarts of the medical field might help against a zombie attack, however. Hand sanitizers are marketed as killing 99 percent of germs.

"Although none of these products has ever indicated any efficacy against biohazard level 4 pathogens like Ebola, it is entirely possible that such products could limit or delay the spread of pathogen-based zombieism if properly employed," the report reads.

So there you go, eh! If there are chicken zombies, well why not other animals like, say, zombie rats or zombie teachers or worst of all...zombie politicians. Zowie! What a horrible thought. Can you imagine zombie politicians scurrying all over the place ...chasing voters?

See ya, eh!

Bob

Students Discover $40,000 In Second-Hand Sofa

Hi ya! Great to see you today. It really is. Hope things are well at your end...and the rest of you too, come to think of it. Coffee's freshly brewed so pour yourself a mugful and move a virtual muffin or doughnut onto your plate while you're at it, why don't'cha! Here's a story about a good deed to perk up your day...

Three students found more than $40,000 in cash inside a second-hand sofa they had bought for $20 from a charity shop - and returned it to the elderly widow who stashed it there.

The housemates in upstate New York discovered the money in envelopes hidden in the couch they had picked up from the Salvation Army in March.

The 91-year-old woman's relatives had donated the old settee to the thrift store without her knowledge.

Reese Werkhoven, Cally Guasti and Lara Russo said they initially could not believe their luck at the unexpected windfall, reports the Little Rebellion, a student-run news blog at the State University of New York at New Paltz.

But after finding a woman's name on an envelope and debating what to do, they decided to make contact with her and return her small fortune the next day.

Ms Guasti told the Little Rebellion: "When we handed the money back to the woman, she told us that she felt like her (late) husband was present in the room with us."

The widow, who wishes to remain anonymous, reportedly gave them a $1,000 reward.

Nothing like a feel-good story to brighten the day, huh?

See ya, eh!

Bob

Mouthwatering Giant Ice-Cream Parfaits!

Hey, thanks for clicking by today. How the heck are you? Ready for summer? Yessiree, this week end marks the unofficial start of summer. Yesterday here in Cornwall it reached more than 30 C...quite a change from the -30C we experienced a couple times during the winter. Help yourself to an ice-presso and a virtual treat, why don't'cha? Y'know, nothing heralds summer more than ice cream. Well, here's the absolute king of ice cream wonders...

Cafe Olympic, a small restaurant in Nagasaki, Japan, is better known as ‘Parfait Heaven’. And for good reason – they serve a variety of jumbo-size parfaits that range in height from 1.5 ft. to a whopping 4 ft. tall.

The tallest parfait, the Nagasaki Dream Tower (120 cm), is filled with all kinds of wonderful things – ice cream, ice cream cones, chocolate cake, sherbet, soft serve ice cream, fruit, chiffon cake, coffee jello, whipped cream, corn flakes and even a slice of cheesecake. 

All these ingredients and more are stuffed into an extremely large parfait glass and topped off with Olympic Rings, to match the name of the restaurant and also mark the 2020 Tokyo Olympics. The sinful dessert is served with a giant spoon to reach all the sugary goodness down to the bottom of the glass.

Funny...they didn't mention how much that parfait tower costs. Japanese prices can be horrendous so I can imagine what this costs. Five young dudes are shown in the picture. I think they are going to need at least a similar number of 'dudettes' if they're ever going to finish the humungous ice cream treat!

See ya, eh!

Bob 

Enough Retweets could get students out of Final Exams!

Like, how's it going, y'know?  Thanks for falling (gently) out of the cybersky and landing next to my coffeepot! Help yourself. Grab a virtual tweet...I mean treat while you're at it. Speaking of tweets, listen to this...

I never thought I’d live to see the day when Tweets could replace a student’s academic performance. But it’s actually becoming a popular trend. Teachers all over the United States are promising to cancel final exams if their students manage to get a sufficient number of retweets. I’m not sure the teachers always mean it, but it appears that the students are taking their deals quite seriously.

It all started with one opportunistic student – Andrew Muennink of Round Rock High School in Texas – who struck a sweet deal with his art teacher. Andrew is quite popular on Twitter, with over 2,300 followers. “I try my best and the final is supposed to be so hard, so I was like, ‘I have lots of followers on Twitter’”.

So he decided to leverage his large following to his benefit. He approached his art teacher on 7 May and succeeded in striking a deal – if he could get 15,000 retweets by 12 p.m. on May 23rd, his class would be excused from taking the art final. His post spread quickly all over the internet, and he achieved his goal long before the deadline.

Seems to me the school and/or school board might have something to say about this, wouldn't you think? What do you think about the idea of tweets in lieu of a final exam. I'm afraid that as a former teacher and head teacher, I don't see the value here. You? Let me have your opinion.

See ya, eh,

Bob

Iowa Distillery Wants to Raise Pigs That Taste Like Rye Whisky

Yee haw and a great big 'Howdy' to ya! How're you faring today? While you're over there by the coffee pot, why'n't'cha pour y'self a perky mug of Joe and snag a virtual treat? Try one with bacon bits in the maple icing. They're right tasty! On the subject of tasty, listen to this...

The Templeton Rye Distillery, in Templeton, Iowa, is trying to create a revolutionary pork flavour. The founders of the distillery realized that since alcohol is used in meat marinades all the time, why not have meat that comes ‘pre-cured’? So they’re raising 25 pigs that will, hopefully, end up tasting like rye whiskey. This is the first experiment of its kind, so there’s really no way of knowing how it’s going to turn out.

Now, if you’re imagining 25 pigs in a pen getting drunk on whiskey all day, well, you couldn’t be more wrong. The pigs actually aren’t being fed any whiskey at all. Their diet consists of a distinct feed that is mixed with the dry distillery grain from the whiskey-making process. That’s how they plan to infuse the flavor into the pigs’ meat. The swine are currently being cared for by Nick Berry, who has a Ph.D. in Animal Studies.

According to Berry, the pigs are purebred Duroc, which have a superior meat quality and are prefect for this project. He also said that the project is a natural combination for Templeton Rye and their home state’s animal agriculture industry. “I think it really falls in line with what their roots surround – whiskey making and rural Iowa and the Midwest,” he said. “This project really fits right in line with a lot of their history and heritage.”

I can see it now, can't you...

"License and registration, please."

"Why did you pull me over, officer? Was I doing something wrong"

You were kind of weaving back and forth like a pig in the mud. You have any pork today?

"Ah well, yes. We had pork chops for dinner. They were really tasty, too."

"Would you mind blowing into this here pork-a-lyzer?"

See ya, eh!

Bob
 

A Retiree's Last Trip to Costco!

A salubrious day to you! Hope you're feeling chipper today. If you're not, you will after reading this story sent to me by good friend Audrey in Calgary...but grab yourself a mug of coffee and a virtual treat to munch on while you're reading. Be careful that you don't have a mouthful of coffee when you get to the end of the story, eh...

Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen , the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

Ain't that the truth. Thanks, Audrey! 

See ya, eh!

Bob

How to Get a Free Tattoo Overnight!

Hey..how's it going? Glad you could glide down out of cyberspace today to partake of a mug of coffee and a virtual treat with me. Say...how do you feel about tattoos? Well, okay...how do you feel about bed bugs? Put the two of them together and you've got...


Don’t let the bed bugs bite, is what we’ve always been told. But Matt Camper, an urban entomologist at Colorado State University, is doing the exact opposite. He’s gone and created a unique ‘bedbug tattoo gun’ – made of a jar, some wire mesh and thousands of hungry bed bugs. You simply invert the jar onto your skin, let the bed bugs bite, and later admire the pink, temporary tattoo they leave behind.

Camper’s unique invention will be featured on an upcoming edition of ‘Outrageous Acts of Science’ on the Science Channel. There’s a rabbit pattern on the top of the jar, through which the bugs are allowed to access human flesh. 

According to wildlife expert Ellie Harrison, it takes two hours for the tattoo to really show up on the skin. “Two hours after the bed bugs have fed, the inflammatory response really kicks in and immune cells will flood into the tissues from the blood, producing redness and swelling and heat,” she says on the TV show.

“Bed bugs feed exclusively on blood,” she said. “They find us via two sources. Firstly, they detect our body head, and secondly, they detect our carbon dioxide emissions. And they don’t need to be that close, they can be 10 feet away and still find food.”

Uh, no! Think I'll pass on this one.

See ya, eh!

Bob